Thursday, January 31, 2008

Prison Life

There are a couple of things you need to know about me:

1. I work at the prison

2. I work with sex offenders at the prison

3. I laugh my freaking butt off at inmates in the prison

We give the inmates a sentence completion test where they are given the first part of a sentence and then have to finish the are two of my favorites:

I am attracted to. . . Females. The human female.

I am most sexually aroused when. . . I am horny.
When I see an attractive woman. . . I get horny.

Whole lot of horn goin' on!

Friday, January 25, 2008

Rock to the Top

We started hip hop in my jazz dance class. If you are wondering if I rock the hiz ouse. . .the answer is NO! I wish with all my heart that the rhythm would get me, but it hasn't, Gloria lied. Damn those hip shaking latins!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Cheesy Waffles

The other day in class we had to introduce ourselves with a little known fact about us that people would remember. Okay, I am not an original person. . . I don't have wierd quirks and I haven't been super adventurous, so what would I say. This is a common concern for me when people ask these types of questions. First and blind dates tend to drift in this direction as well.

The only thing I could come up with is I like cheese on my waffles. Yes, I know, gag, gag, puke, puke. Well after I said this a chic behind me tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I liked it in the morning or for dinner. I informed her that I liked it both times at which she immediately shuttered and asked if I put syrup on it. Yes was my reply. She looked at me with all manner of distate imaginable and then I spoke very curtly: Don't knock it till you tried it.

So here is my little recipe for cheese waffles. . . don't knock it till you tried it. You may end up liking it.

One warm waffle
Spread butter lightly all over the top of the waffle
Lay thinly sliced cheddar cheese across whole waffle
Pour hot syrup on cheese
Cut, insert into mouth, and enjoy!

Friday, January 18, 2008

Como se dice DEUSH en Espanol?

Okay, let's face it. All guys are astro-deushes. I have no idea how to spell that word, but they are. I have been receiving what we shall call "crap" for not writing as dilligently on my blog as I ought and now feel pressure to do so or die a painful and untimely death.

This subject, like so many others that remain on my rather puny mind, is not original, unique, or even that is simply consuming. Like a spark from a piece of flint that merely licks dry leaves, this subject engulfs my brain into a rapid explosion of flame. I am speaking, as I said before, of the Astro-deush. (I really wish I knew how to spell that word.)

Two of them have recently sparked in my head, and so polar opposite are they, that I don't know if I even have a normal neuron pattern of love firing in my cerebral cortex. Side note: God-what were you thinking when you created this mess? One of these AD's has the audacity to come over and chat any time he feels any inclination and then simply spews out the list of hotties he wouldn't mind getting to know. MMMhmm. The second has and will continue to break this little heart of mine...but man AD #2 can sure kiss.

All the rest of the Astro-deushes are not even close to worth getting to know, so it looks like my mind will be engulfed in the misery of flames forever!