The Hit and Run Analogies

The hit and run is a criminal offense and has been since the fall of Adam. Hit and runs are the most heinous of crimes because not only does the offender get away with the malicious act, but then the victim is constantly in wonder of what happened and now have to pay for the damages.

Another yet less severe hit and run involves leaving pie at a fine young specimen’s doorstep and then running your brains out not to get caught. Again, the victim is wondering who the hell dropped the pie and is it contaminated or dare they eat it. This fraudulent act can double as a seduction attempt on the offender’s side to entice the recipient into a date. (Helpful Hint: When committing such an offense, make sure you have an access code to get out of the private drive.)

The third degree of this offense is one that is equally as frustrating and seductive as its’ forbearers. The target hit: my lips. The run: yes, and never to be seen or heard of again. . .until of course the wedding announcement shows up. This offense also leaves the victim in suspense of what the hell happened and I will be damned if it wasn’t seductive.

So the pressing issue is: Did the victim in all three of these cases deserve such criminal intent? Was the target in the wrong or is this a malicious act on behalf of the offender? I say to victims: Unite. Stop these predators in the very act in which they strike. If she drops a pie. . .catch her, and freaking drop your girlfriend and ask her out. If he is going in for the kiss on a first date. . .oh no, you Di Ent!! Grab the lame commitment phobe where it hurts, resist the temptation!!

If any of you sisters out there have a stamp on your forehead screaming, “Kiss me and run!” I implore you give us a holler cuz shoot girl you are in the best of company.

Peace out victims, may your roads be smooth and your victims committal.